Timeline: First Year of The Relationship

New York 3/12/2012 07:06 PM GMT (TransWorldNews)

Being involved in a serious relationship comes with the assurance of a built-in sex guarantee, but what’s not guaranteed is whether she’ll want to engage in some hot and heavy romps as vigorously and often as you do. This is a true tragic experience shared by men around the globe. Here’s how to manage the path between the highs and the lows of your first year of putting it down with your partner.

 

 

Weeks 1-3: Testing the Waters

After a few sessions and utilizing your core arsenal of moves, you’re probably dying to bump things up from PG-13 to a number of X’s better left undisclosed. Steady progress will lead to evolution in your bedroom romps. By communicating and asking your partner if they’d be up for giving it ago, you’ll definitely be surprised to discover the pastor’s daughter has a freaky side. If they’re more than willing, you’ve only done them a favor by unleashing the inner beast.

 

 

Month 3: Crash the pajama party

Do all you can to avoid that inevitable day where sleeping together will actually involve sleeping. What always starts with drinks and romps in cabs will surely turn into nightly sessions of watching Project Runway reruns. This is when you need to reassess your protocol and address the degrading sexual relationship. When did your 4AM nights lip locking at Provacateur turn into 10PM nights of TiVo and Thai delivery?

 

Relax, your relationship isn’t on the brink of flat lining, but like everything worthwhile in life, we must put in some work. If the relationship should see any signs of stagnation so early, feel free to mandate a “sex every night” rule.  By putting her on your to do list you will ensure the pulse of the relationship is beating healthily.

 

 

Month 6: Intentional fouls and provoking them all in the right way

Your first real fight will always come with a built in a golden rule–the situation is only resolved with unbelievably passionate make up sex. Surprisingly, some chicks do get off on despising your guts. Laying her like you hate her might just be on her kinky list of requests. Most girls may require some slick maneuvering on your part to take her from livid to horny. The only downside is that submitting to your lust means always having to say you’re sorry.

 

Note: For the truly gifted bullshit artists, you may even be able to pull off the sex without pleading guilty. Depending on your skills you may actually be able to get her to utter an apology during the romp.

 

 

Month 9: Temptation is a Turn On

By now you’ve become well accustomed to the intricacies and complexities of your lover. You know everything from the names of all her hot best friends to her rather peculiar, eccentric friends from the theater program. Likewise, your girl has probably figured out which of the guys in your entourage you would not trust around her alone for five minutes.

 

At this point you may be tempted to feel jealousy over their wandering eyes, but resist a relationship bailout and stick to your guns. What if these harmless little attractions could serve as your own personal stimulus package? Innocent crushes and flirtatious friendships make both people involved in the relationship feel attractive and wanted, which can actually be preventative of cheating. The key is to bring that energy to bed and use it on each other rather than using it to go out to bed other people.

 

There are two important pillars to understand before using this natural emotion to your benefit. One, let her go first. Aside from celebrity crushes, you can’t start telling a girl the names of every girl you fantasize about in Bikram class unless she has already cracked open that door. Two, you can admit to crushing on any female except for her best friend, who is strictly mental memory bank material.

 

 

Year 1Congratulations

Congratulations, you’ve worked yourself into the obligatory and fiscally consuming first-anniversary gift. Have a fun time staying in an overpriced hotel for some La Perla laced sex. Your partner may definitely be the type that wants to plan this in advance, or you might fare better by staying spontaneous and horny–having her willing to do anything that won’t maim her before work on Monday.

 

Big nights out for you and your partner usually can also start as hot nights in. Plan to push your reservations back by an hour or so. Seeing your beautiful girl in those 6″ heels and eyeliner may have you jumping into a quicky on the counter

 

 

Elite.

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